Thought For The Day BY Dr. LaSharnda Beckwith: Do you allow others to get you going? Get you worked up? For example, if something happens to you that you would blow off as no big deal but then you tell someone about it & before you know it they have blown it way out of proportion. All of a sudden you get so worked up & feel that you have to do something about that situation? That’s not thinking for you. In fact doing that can cause more anxiety and heartache for you than you would have ever allowed. If you react like that to the reactions and comments of others, they are controlling your behavior. Next time something happens, maybe you don’t want to share; rather just think about your next steps alone…
The Day I Finally Left My “Past” Behind will document a part of my life as a Single Mom and being homeless for two months living in and out of a car and motels in Los Angeles with my daughter. It was the toughest part of MY life I have ever experienced and will never want anyone else, especially another mother, to face what I had to endure.
No one knows what we went through until now, not even my family…whatever is left of it. I don’t expect anyone to “get” why I decided to go down this path nor am I looking for sympathy. If you’ve ever heard of the newspaper for the Homeless called Homeless Voice, well if it were up to me I would change it to Homeless Choice because it was MY choice to be homeless rather than go back where we were.
Anyone who knows me knows that I do what I want and I don’t think about the consequences because I already know them. I always believed that when you think too much about moving or taking risks you’ll talk yourself out of it. It’s not until I’m in the midst of the heap of shit that I get myself into before I start to realize what I’ve done and even then I don’t concentrate on it that much.
It all started when I had two days to move out of our apartment in L.A because we were being evicted. How did that happen even though I was working? Well, the risk that I decided to take was moving to a place ala Los Angeles, California where I didn’t know anyone so that I can accomplish my dreams of becoming a Writer. Not just any writer but a Hollywood Writer.
For 15 months, I scraped whatever monies I could get my hands on to stay & pay in L.A. I took temp jobs while networking at Hollywood movie premieres on week nights even taking a few pictures on the Red Carpet & doing interviews about my book. I hung out where celebrities filled the room then rushed home in enough time to get a couple hours of sleep before heading to my Customer Service job.
I didn’t care that I had a College degree and only made $9.00 an hour because I had one goal and that was to get a Movie, Book, or Management Deal. ANY deal that was going to get me creating & entertaining people. The hardest part of that journey was not giving up my Soul or panties because the Hollywood pursuit can make you do things that you would never do if you were back home. Thankfully, I still have my Soul and I still hold the reigning title my guy friends gave me in High School, Mrs. Tight Panties…lol
Throughout the journey, I explained to my daughter what was going on. I didn’t want her to think that a grown woman & Mama sleeping at her friend’s apartment on their couch with her kid was acceptable. I should have been ashamed but I wasn’t instead I kept focused and did what I had to do to maintain.
I had it together for a moment so when my friends moved I decided to take over their lease & downsize to 456 square foot studio apartment for almost $1000 a month. Well, the day we were moving my Boss at the Customer Service job decided to fire me because I finished helping him get caught up on all the backed up files he hired me for. I guess you can say that I worked myself right OUT of a job.
Then Girl Scouts called & I started working part-time with them. The only problem was that I started more than a month later. Since they are a non-profit organization, my position was budgeted for a few months so I had to start working on a specific date. I worked more odd jobs until then just barely making the rent payments and buying food with no assistance other than the $50 a week child support that I got. We had to take the bus since we didn’t have a car and it was still tough.
On Friday, October 28, 2011, we received notice that we were being evicted and had to vacate the apartment by Monday, October 31, 2011. So, I did what I had to do and asked my Mama if we could move back home…again.
TO BE CONTINUED…
“(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.” ~Jodi Picoult
Thought For The Day BY Dr. LaSharnda Beckwith: Face today with the hope that you will have a wonderful day and that whatever break through you have been praying for is right around the corner. We have to be people who will tell ourselves that things are going to change on our behalf and in our favor. If we don’t, who will? There are enough naysayers out there to last a life time. You don’t want be one of them; so refuse to be. Don’t let yourself be tricked into always seeing the bad in every situation, if you do, your days are bound to be less motivating than if you face them with the anticipation of good things about to happen.
(257th day, 108 more days to go)
As Single Moms, we take care of everyone else but ourselves. We search for answers that are clearly in front of our face. Finally when we open our eyes, our kids are grown, we lost opportunities to finish school, or unable to accomplish goals that we set before getting pregnant. It’s NEVER too late for you to change your life around. We have to stop letting people stop us from doing what is right for ourselves AND our children because we feel that once we have our children that life is over. It’s NOT. Just keep in mind when you are going after your dreams that the best option for your friend may not be the best option for You. No one else can live your life and it’s about damn time that you start living it for Yourself. This is coming from a Mama who stayed in a relationship for 10 years that she will NEVER get back. We’re sure that you don’t want that to happen to you too. Success is waiting for you, now Go Get It!
#TTT is Trash Talking Tuesdays where we talk crap about our Baby Daddies ONE day out of the week cause the rest of the week is our time to LET IT GO!!! So join us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/crazybabymamas
(256th day, 109 more days to go)
Somewhere in the world is a Mama who is torn between letting go of the relationship with her Baby Daddy and staying in the relationship so that her child can have his father in his life. She knows if their relationship ends then he will no longer be in their child’s life. On the other side of that world is her Baby Daddy who surprises her with a bouquet of flowers he got from his homeboy and promises her once again that he will “start” looking for a job.
NOTE: The picture above is owned by us. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
These past few months have been very challenging for me and there was a moment when I had to kick myself in the butt. Why? Well, I needed a wake up call and even though I’ve been on this 3+ year journey to get my life in order I forgot some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way. One of those valuable lessons dealt with Givers vs Takers.
I’ve had a lot of Givers & Takers in my life that have come and gone. What I noticed is that I gave a lot of my time and attention to the Takers. These Takers have taken advantage of my wanting to please everyone but somehow I managed to ignore the Givers. Those Givers gave me opportunities to grow and contributed positive vibes to my spirit. Instead, I grew closer to toxic people who were Takers because I was just as toxic as they were. I was pretending to be someone else and not the TRUE person I am today.
Being young and (what I thought to be) in love with my daughter’s father, I allowed myself to focus more on him and my relationship with him that I ended up losing myself. When you’re in love while you’re young and still trying to learn who you are can be complicated. I allowed him to take a part of me and I’m sure many Mamas know what I’m talking about when it comes to loving your Baby Daddy way too much. For those that don’t know, I’m speaking of the part of me who was very ambitious and sometimes the risk taker.
When you’re in a toxic relationship with someone who loves to be miserable they can take you down with them. I thought my positive attitude would change him but it didn’t. I became angrier with myself and the people around me. Most of the time, I felt uninspired to do anything even though I had a lot of creative ideas brewing inside of me. Sadly, I believed that I wasn’t good enough to make those ideas a reality. My spirit was broken and I didn’t want to continue to live like that.
I have to admit that I didn’t contribute anything to the Taker’s lives either. How could I when I secretly kept the truth that I felt emotionally used and abused by them. The longer they were in my life the harder it was to let them go. Some people are just not meant to be in our lives forever and that’s one hard pill to swallow.
Now I sit alone in my empty circle and I can say that I’m okay with that. For so long I was afraid to be alone and step out on Faith. I guess as you get older it becomes easier to be alone and you have to realize that people can block your Blessings too. Regardless of how I feel about them, I learned from everyone and I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. Most importantly my Spirit has been REnewed & REpaired.
I gotta remember to Give MORE to those who Gave to me!
Written By: MaxLaine
We have so much work to do especially when it comes to so-called Baby Mama & Baby Daddy issues. This new segment called Chapters for our Blog will focus on those issues that we discuss in our book, Are You A “Crazy” Baby Mama? (A Handbook For Single Moms).
We found this video where the ladies from The View asked Sean “Diddy” Combs about his relationship with his children’s mothers. Barbara Walters wonders out loud why he isn’t married yet. His response was, “I haven’t been ready to get married,” even though he has 6 children with 3 women.
Diddy is not the first nor will he be the last man to have children by multiple women. Let us not forget those women who have children by multiple men either. The common denominator in both scenarios are the WOMEN! WE (yes we include ourselves), as women and mothers, have accepted a lot of crap from society and men but WE all have to accept some responsibility. LOTS OF MONEY could be the reason Diddy’s children’s mothers may have accepted this arrangement without a marriage commitment. If he were Diddy The High School Drop-Out without a Job then this would be a different story. People would be outraged because he couldn’t take care of his children leaving the mothers with the responsibility to raise children who will NOT become a statistic. The same statistic that says children who are raised without their fathers will drop-out of school, become a teenage parent, and end up in jail. Yet, here’s another example that WOMEN are the key factor.
The real deal is that there’s a double standard when it comes to the roles of mothers and fathers. You can either be a dad who is not always there for his child or a father who takes care of his child no matter what his circumstances are. Whereas a mother is concern, she will always and forever be the Mama. The one who will take off from work to take their child to the doctor and so many other responsibilities taken on when there isn’t a father or positive male role model in a child’s life.
We deserve respect all the time and not only when we have a child for someone (sometimes that’s not the case). At some point in our lives, we have to realize that giving up the cookies i.e. our va-jay-jay doesn’t equal love and commitment. If we continue to allow men to come in and out of our lives as they please then do you really think that they will make a commitment to you AND your child.
Don’t believe the hype that there aren’t any good men out there. If only WE believed that we are Good women and ACT like it then those men who are habitual baby daddy offenders (and the future baby daddies of the world) will have no choice but to step up by becoming more responsible and respecting us more than ever. Our children’s future doesn’t look any better if we don’t change things now.
(Please answer any of the questions or Leave a comment below)
- What lessons can we teach our children about being a single parent?
- What do you think of Diddy’s response as to why he is not married?
- Do you think Diddy’s children are better off than children whose father don’t have as much money as he does?
Have you ever felt unappreciated? It’s easy to feel this way if you’re a singe mom. At times you do things for other people when you should be doing those things for yourself. You get into this rat race pleasing everyone in addition to your child just to feel appreciated or needed. You put your needs on the back burner for so many years that you forget the things that make YOU happy. When you do this its filling a void. That void for me was to always fulfill other people’s needs because I didn’t think I deserved fulfilling my own needs. I could never say “no” to people I knew darn well that I shouldn’t do favors for. I gave them the impression that all was well in my life and that they could always count on me. The truth is that I never had enough time nor the money to lend them. I cowardly took the easy way out by giving in to their needs.
Everyday is a new day to change your old ways. I finally had to look within myself and I found that I made a lot more mistakes than I thought. I had been silent with my true feelings towards the way I felt about people around me. I know I’ve brought this up several times but it really has bothered me that I never paid attention to these people. I felt like some of them just kept me around “just in case” they needed something from me or to do something for them. I just couldn’t live like that anymore.
It’s been a long journey and being by myself has opened my heart to new people and new experiences. I’m more willing to take more risks and that hasn’t happened in a longtime. I need to do what I got to do in order to get ahead in life and my new career.
In the midst of it all, I know not everyone is going to like this revelation. Who cares!!! I learned long time ago that you can’t please everyone. Your business should be to please yourself. If Mommy is good then everyone is good.